Die Latibule

  Ebu let's be vulnerable for a minute. Have you ever felt unseen? degraded? unloved maybe not romantically but platonically, by family, colleagues? Worked hard to be seen and loved? Went out of your way to feel worthy? Probably done everything in your power to be seen? Well, me too, but what if this time we just praise the Lord?  I was listening to a sermon a few weeks ago (I'll link it down here) about Leah, the unloved Woman. I'll give a short backstory just to refresh our memory.  So this kaguy, Jacob goes to his uncle's place, Laban and immediately falls in love with this beautiful girl he meets at the well, Rachel. He works for 7 years!! not 1, not 2 but 7 years to get Rachel. The Bible says " and the time seemed like only a few days to him, because he loved her ". Ladies if he wanted to... Anyway, I digress, so he works for 7 years and once he is done, si he expects to be given Rachel but uncle Laban says "Kumbavu zako" and gives him Leah sinc...

  Lately, I've been so anxious about life, finishing school, the job market, going out into the for-real world, our crumbling country, paying taxes, Ruto!! yani life in general. It hit me so bad I could barely sit still. I found myself crying in the middle of classes, withdrawing from my friends, listening to depressing songs and being extremely scared of what the future holds. I listened to a few podcasts and they kept saying ' live in the moment ', you know, ' all you have is now ', ' you are only 20 '. Yes, I know but how do you expect me to just live in the moment when adulting is staring at me dead in the eye? No one tells you how terrifying it is transitioning from a life you've known for almost 4 years to this dark unknown black hole called adulting. Let me tell you guys it's all fun and games until it's not. After fighting a battle that was never mine to fight in the first place, I brought it to the one who's qualified to fight our ba...

  When I am an old lady, I shall wear yellow sweaters and blue shoes.  I shall pluck flowers from the neighbor's garden and wear them on my hair I'll spit in the streets and fight with the lady next door I shall chuckle and laugh and sing out of rhyme and make up my own words I'll sneer at the young lovers on the sidewalk and chase them with a broom the neighborhood kids will know me as the old weird lady who murmurs to herself on her way home I'll pretend to have a stroke ever so often just to get the attention of passengers  then laugh at their silly scared faces  I shall spend my pension on sausages and bread and say I have no money for charity And when I gain 10 pounds in 2 days, I'll add a leaf of celery to my meals and pat myself on the back I shall visit my best friend's grave and tell her how I flirted with the young man at the store  And we shall laugh and snort at how fast his face cringed I'll tell her how much I miss her but then steal her flower...

You irk me, you know Always available, always visible, always too perfect The humans love you a bit too much it sickens me when you are full they fawn over you, with their telescopes and lore when half, they come up with some silly quote to encourage you when you decide to disappear, they mourn  you I hate that. I can't even have a full day to myself you come and hide my face and the dumb humans call it 'eclipse' has it ever been said I once brought light to the night? then why disrespect me like that? why bring darkness to the day? why make me the laughingstock of the galaxy? I see you peeping during my shift snatching the attention of the kings and queens I want to be seen too, you know I want to be noticed too why won't you let me? I once loved you, so much that I shared some of my light with you that's why they see you, that's why they notice you the tiny diamonds they call stars also seem fond of you every time I try to join them, they disappear  and I'...

  At 7:00, I closed my eyes, crossed my fingers, and wished for a pink kitchen set. I did well in school and my Dad got it for me as a gift. It was beautiful, so delicately beautiful. The tiny cups with their tiny handles, the cute little forks and spoons. One fateful evening, when I got home from school, my brother had dumped them in a stream. With tears in my eyes, I managed to save one tiny fork. At 8:00, I closed my eyes, crossed my fingers, and wished for white shoes. You remember the ones we used to put on with white socks? Exactly. During our neighbor's wedding, my Mum got me the exact pair I had wished for. They were so pretty. I was over the moon. One Sunday as I was playing in church, I broke a heel. I went to get it fixed but for some reason, the cobbler was never seen again. I never got my shoe back. I managed to save the heel of my once favorite shoe, a painful reminder of what once was. At 9:00, I closed my eyes, crossed my fingers, and wished for an eye-shadow palett...

  I've learnt a thing or two  and thought I should share it with you too first, look at the sun and learn to have some fun two, when your fears confront you, please don't run instead, fight them one by one till you're done i once did that, and guess what, i won! hun three, be free but also have a routine don't spend the whole day staring at the screen get your lazy butt off the bed and get clean you'll say "Oh, but i'm just a teen" i'll say "stop your wean! change your ugly green tee! quit the lean! don't make a scene! and GO MAKE ME SOME TEA! queen🌟 aah! foolish me  always loosing sight of what i thought was key but that was quite good, do you agree? no!? okay then let me get back on track but first, allow me to grab a quick snack hey! i'm back you'll never believe who i saw at the back it was Jack  showing Luck his new track the previous one was a wack no wonder Luck was with Mark hmmm! this world is dark anyway let me get back ...